As Close As Your skin

How many times you ever feel trapped
of something inside you
taking over you
controlling your many days, nights, minutes, seconds
pushing everyone and everything around you..

of all the words blurted out from your lips
of all the thoughts coming out and in your head
of all the feelings that was just making you crazy
and angry, and anxious, and desperate, and bitter
it is suppressing you
pushing everyone and everything around you...

How many times you ever recognized
of this such strange force that is not your soul
but it is as close as your skin
that is just there,
you try to let go but not letting you go
so big, so dark, so powerful, so disgusting... stinky
you feel it under your skin
flowing in your blood
merged with every muscles in your bodies
stabbing your shoulder like a knife
moving you, taking you
keeping you away from your true self

you know with every cells formed in your body
with every knowledge stored in your brain
with every awareness lies beneath your heart
that whatever you do, this is the one and the only enemy
who would do their best
to keep you apart from Purity

with fear
with envy
with guilt
with anger
with seduction
with temptation
with desires
with self-pittiness...

thought it was only a myth, but it is a close as your skin
i know i am not the only one, but i'm still the crazy one
sometimes i manage sometimes i do not
i am trying my best but not always succeeded

Dear my Maker... Please help me. Amien.